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Old 12-26-2009, 04:39 AM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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Default Primary/Secondary Partnerships and Kids


I have to admit that I'm still slightly taken aback by how this question comes about, both because it so oddly echos my personal experience and because it's actually NOT borne of my own head.

A few days ago, at a party for a mutual friend, this lady I know and like started chatting about polyamory. The conversation was very natural and enjoyable, though afterwards I wondered why she decided to chat with ME about this... Is there Poly-Dar?

Anyway. Among other things, one thing she mentioned was children. She's old enough to be worrying about her biological clock and complications surrounding said clock. And until recently, she's never considered having children. He partner never seemed to be a person she'd have children with, and she didn't see herself doing it alone.

But now that they're exploring poly, she's suddenly finding herself asking these questions. And it's become nagging for her.

My answer, even included in my introduction, has always been "Childless" (or childfree) but as my range of partners is opening up, I realize there are scenarios where I might very well feel the love and commitment that are the foundation of the security to have kids.

Please don't take that last line the wrong way. I love, and am committed to my wife. But... I don't know... There's a sense there, that's all.

I don't want to close this thread off, but I would like to highlight that I am asking a specific question about how children relate to certain types of poly dynamics, specifically the "primary"/"Secondary" dynamics.

Does anybody have any experience with this dynamic and the introduction of kids? I suppose I'm looking for a success story, but I'd like insight in any form it may come in. I'm also going to beg for forgiveness, since I've not actually asked a question, but this forum is full of smart folk and I trust you guys will toss out your reflections on the subject.
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