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Old 11-22-2012, 11:01 PM
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jones jones is offline
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Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
My husband has a girlfriend who he has been seeing for three months. We have been open for three years but my 'boyfriend' was much younger and lived 3000miles away and never interacted with our family much.

My husband and I are having issues around the holiday. My husband asked her (S) what she was doing for thanksgiving. She (I guess) wanted to be invited over but I am just not ready for that. Now we will be facing Christmas...

Here is what I need advice for: Is it for the primary couple to decide boundaries and go from there? Or should I insist that my husband and his girlfriend communicate what they want before I make a decision?

My husband and mine's desires are at odds. He has told me that he wants a full-on poly family with his girlfriend included in situations and ultimately living together. What I want is more along the lines of an open marriage- I want my son, husband, and I to remain a family unit and have my husband and I free to date others. These others are by no means a booty-call, I want real, intimate relationships, and want my husband to have to the same...but I don't want these couplings to be part of our family unit. This is partially because I am not really poly, and partially because I feel like our family unit is tenuous and my husband and I are nit sexual partners.

So, I know that ultimately, I have to decide what I want and he has to decide what he wants. But I feel like I am turned into the 'gatekeeper' and I don't want this.
This is partially because me husband andd his gf don't communicate, so I don't Know WHat she wants. Also, because my husband won't come out to our son nor his parents (who will be here at Christmas). He hasn't even told them he has a friend, let alone that she is a girlfriend.

I feel like I'm getting all the blame and being turned into the gatekeeper/bitch.
What is my husband's responsibility to communicate directly with his GF and tell me her desires?
Hi hun, I understand where you are coming from mine and G's ex and her bf came to family events like parties, days out but I wanted our family time just me and G and our children.

I have highlighted what he wants and what you wants, does he know how you feel? can you talk to the gf, find out what she wants, maybe she wants this and you can work on it or maybe she doesn't want to move in, could gf come for dinner and then go home or stay the night and relax, maybe this is something you all could enjoy.

are you friends with the gf, if anyone asks just say she is a friend and don't have them cuddle or kiss etc when the other family members are there?

making a poly family unit is hard work esp if you aren't really poly.

please come back and chat some more x
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