Fair enough, I accept that it was within her abilities to improve her behaviour.
There's something to be said for not banging your head against the wall. If you tell someone they're hurting you and they don't stop, then you have two choices: you can leave, or you can let them keep hurting you. You can't change people. No matter how much you want them to change, they have to want it too or it's just not going to happen.
Choosing not to leave allows them to continue hurting you. So to that end, I'm glad to hear that you've left that hurtful situation. As for the current gf, it sounds like a different form of the same underlying issue. It may be worth taking a break from dating in general and focus on your own emotional health for a while. If these are the types of people you keep being drawn to, I would figure out why that is and what you can do to seek out healthier companions.
In ideal world, two atypical people would be great for one another because they would understand the struggles the other goes through. In reality, they're often both so preoccupied with their own struggles that it's hard to have compassion for the other's situation.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker