I read on another thread and didn't want to hyjack it,
so i am curious about this, becuase for me I want to know I do ask lots of quetsions (mainly because im nosey) and even if sometimes the answers make me react a certiain way. I may feel insecure or jelous i think thats ok because then i can actually deal with those feelings and talk them through and usually resolve them,
I have a... well... I think it's "unique". Perhaps there are parallels to other people's stories.
But basically, I'm a political activist. I moved from my place of work, life, love to New Hampshire as part of the Free State Project (http://www.freestateproject.org/
It's a project to move 20,000 people to one place for peaceful objectives. It's not a short term thing, it's a long-term, set down roots kind of thing. We intend to influence a social dynamic through persuasion and constant activism.
Right now, there are about 800 people of those 20,000 who have ALREADY moved, and in the kind of philosophy we have, there's also an increased likelyhood of polyamory or tolerance for it.
I have an overarching philosophy in my life that guides my political activism. I won't go into it, but basically speaking, it's so ingrained in me that the combination of what I "Like in people" and what I "view in politics" create a much smaller dating pool for me than normal. If someone walked up to you and said that they enjoy torturing animals and making elderly people weap in their dreams, you'd probably not leave that conversation thinking "Wow, this person would be a great partner for me!"
So... my relationships are great and wonderful to me, but so is my philosophy. My wife fits both.
My biggest fear, at the time, was that one of us would date within this community and burn bridges, and that it would affect "us" as activists. I don't want to resent any of the people who have made the move here, and I don't want to resent my wife.
So, we agreed on a don't-ask-don't-tell policy.
Ultimately, it didn't work for us.
Like the OP, I realized I cared FAR too much about my wife to let her keep that important aspect of her life to herself. Or... more specifically... I'm nosy.
Not being able to share that was creating all kinds of tension for us and we discussed it and rescinded it. I think it was the next day, perhaps the day after, that I met one of her partners.
Hope that helps.