Thread: Help the n00b?
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Old 11-22-2012, 06:29 AM
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hylierandom hylierandom is offline
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...I did not mean that as any slight against Asperger's people in general... But one of the noted tendencies of people with Asperger's is to accentuate flaws in things...
So she was just a veritable fountain of everything I did wrong.

To her this was being helpful...

She was unable to hear the feedback that I gave her for years that she was hurting me...She simply assumed I must want to redo anything I had gotten imperfect.
She doesn't get the idea that someone with health problems and chronic fatigue doesn't need everything to be a shining paradigm of excellence.

...I still think she is a well-intentioned and brilliant person...But I think that people who have Asperger's...have to learn to do scientifically what the neurotypical do automatically, to paraphrase an Aspie who wrote a book to help do just that...
Too, Aspies substitute logic for emotions.

So...starting from the assumption that I MUST want to do everything the VERY BEST... I must not have noticed these glaring mistakes.
So it was her duty to make sure I knew exactly what I was doing wrong. She'd "helpfully" come over and tell me what I was doing wrong...even as I was doing it.
I kept telling her "This feels like an attack, please stop." I kept telling her things like "Fine, YOU do it then!" And stomping off.
I told her that her actions caused me to feel she could not trust me and had no faith in me, like I was a toddler that had to be supervised.

I kept telling her to stop criticizing me. She would offer "explanations," I would tell her the emotional reason why the logic she used did not apply.
She kept basically dismissing that because it was not logical.
Nor did she ever stop to think "My spouse goes explodey when I do this. It makes no sense when she tells me why, but I am making her unhappy, so I should stop."
Rinse and repeat, and it was a driving factor in the marriage being over.

...So, I really do feel that our marriage died in part because she refuses to go find a therapist and learn how not to hurt and anger the neurotypicals, including the one she was partnered with.
She was angered at the suggestion she ought to get therapy for Asperger's and went off on this long rant about how there was nothing wrong with her, and maybe everyone else should conform to the way she is.
...Which...there IS nothing wrong with her, I agree.

However, her way of thinking and feeling is highly unusual and it's not adaptive for her to refuse to get help understanding the normies.

It means she is, by this choice, assuring she will be isolated.
She will have a hard time getting along with coworkers too, meaning she won't advance to where her intelligence could take her, because she can't get along well.
Because I wish her happiness, I don't like this.

Last edited by hylierandom; 11-22-2012 at 08:33 AM.
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