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Old 11-22-2012, 03:02 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NyxKnocks View Post
Thanks for all your responses. Upon further reflection, I think I may just not be communicating this clearly enough. Farrah doesn't know about my reluctance because I'm not super-comfortable vocalizing things with her directly. I'm going out with them both tonight, so hopefully a couple drinks will give me some bravery and we can all figure this stuff out. Lol.
What do you have to figure out? Maybe you feel like you painted a negative picture because you were looking for a different kind of response? Did you expect us not to think that what your boyfriend does is disrespectful?

YOU said you are not comfortable with Guru pushing you to have a sexual relationship with Farrah. You said you have told him you are not bisexual and do not want to be pushed into that, and he dismisses your expressions of concern with a "you'll get there" which sounds like that is the only goal he cares about, and maybe she also, for this relationship. What about checking his own behavior and seeing where perhaps he has been too pushy and then pulling back, apologizing, and regrouping so that you don't feel preyed upon? WTF? Why isn't he owning up to that?

You came here to find out how to handle the pressure you feel is coming from him for you to get into a physical relationship with Farrah. Unless there are things you left out, I think we get it.

You need to establish your boundaries and draw the line where you are comfortable, and don't do or tolerate stuff you are not comfortable with. Laughing it off and fortifying yourself with booze may not be the best thing for you right now. Perhaps talk to them about it while you're still clear-headed and before the drinks get to you.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 11-22-2012 at 03:05 AM.
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