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Old 11-22-2012, 02:02 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,863

Hello and Welcome to the forum!

It sounds like you have had some good conversations with your fiance and have come to some understandings. Have you had similar conversations with the new guy about what you are really offering? Some guys in this situation might (if they have no poly experience) assume that you are shopping for your "next guy" (i.e. if it works out well you would leave your fiance for them) - so you want to be clear there as well. (You may have had this conversation, but it is not clear from your post).

You might also want to take a close look at what you mean by:

Originally Posted by orligirl16 View Post
I still feel like I'm.... not doing anything wrong, but that I'm taking two people for granted I guess.
In what way do you feel that you are taking them for granted? ARE you taking them for granted? If you are NOT taking them for granted, then what is it that makes you feel that way?


Originally Posted by orligirl16 View Post
I do have some feelings for the guy I work with but I believe those stem from how much he reminds me of my fiance
You mention earlier that your connection to this fellow is an "emotional" one but then seem to minimize that to "some feelings" and then explain them away. Do you like him for himself or because he is playing the part of some idealized version of your fiance? (Perhaps how you saw your fiance during the early NRE phase of your relationship?)

AND this concerns me somewhat:

Originally Posted by orligirl16 View Post
(also the fact that my fiance and I are going through a dry spell/rough patch).
Poly has a tendency (at least it seems to me) to shine a spotlight into the dark corners of relationships. Small cracks can become great divides. It seems that, for people who are already in relationships, it is fundamental that the original relationship be rock-solid in order to survive the heaves and waves that the transition to poly can induce as the relationship flexes and changes to accomodate. It is often noted on these forums that the formula "Relationship broken...add more people." seldom ends well.

I don't know if anything I have said/asked is relevant or helpful, hopefully others will add their insight. In the meantime, enjoy poking around and reading our stories and dilemmas.


PS. Cross-posted with NYCindie - good questions and advice in that post.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 11-22-2012 at 02:06 AM.
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