Thank you very, very much, you three - your responses are always wonderful, both to my threads and the threads of others and I always respect your opinions.
It's why I come here - to get the viewpoints of people from a distance. They usually help me to see things with complete clarity.
Gala, you got me thinking as always. Your drink analogy made me laugh... sadly laugh... because I realised that you were completely right. We had a discussion about it today after more and more chats and date-arrangement with guys and sure enough, she thought that a break from poly meant a break from physically going on dates.
Schrodinger... you make some great points, also. You're right - my reaction to her dating is my own issue. I was feeling betrayed by her because she seemed to be ignoring my wishes in pursuit of her own pleasure... because she continued to do something that she considers menial, knowing that it causes me pain. So I agree - the blame isn't all on her at all.
Both you and snowmelt have made the point that I have always understood about my girlfriend... she replaces meaningful connections with sexual ones. She looks for sexual attention because she is, deep down, low in confidence and was greatly lacking in love and support when she was growing up. She's told me these kind of things herself... though never explicitly made the links.
The point about crutches really got to me... and it was just what I was looking for. I knew and understood why she did it... but couldn't understand why I was still getting upset, even though I know her well.
The way you put it seemed to snap something in my head. I would never want to be so cruel as to take away her crutches.
We had a long talk today and I apologised for not making my expectations clear... and for making them slightly unfair. She told me that she tried to meet them, but is not capable of spending two weeks not talking to guys at all. She said that instead of seeing our time apart as a different lifestyle, we shouldn't need an adjustment period.... that we should just transition smoothly from me being there in person to us being apart... and that way, it won't be such a big deal when she talks to guys like this.
She said that she only agreed to the two week break for me, but that it isn't what she wants. So i've said to forget about the break... to see and talk to and date who she wants, when she wants.
Thank you to all three of you for helping me to understand this in my mind.
me: female, 28
GF: my girlfriend, female, 38
Hubby: my metamour, her husband, 34
2 year, open poly V relationship, LDR