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Old 11-21-2012, 04:24 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Octopus - thanks for your kind words I'm glad you identify some like-mindedness... it's comforting to meet kindred spirits. Re: the big issues - oh yeah, not happening anytime soon, but it's been good to talk about some possible futures.

Ocean's contract ends soon. Maybe as soon as end-Dec, but most likely closer to Easter. He's hopefully getting clarification around that this week or next, and meanwhile I'm job hunting in earnest. Looking for something that will support us staying here in our new city for at least another year.

It was a hard decision to come to as I still have a couple of job offers open at home. If it was just me, personally, I'd go back to our old city. I have job security there, and it's easy for me to pursue many of my interests. It's a smaller place, so the living is cheaper, especially as I have a very inexpensive place to stay. But. We're gonna try to make it work here in this big, expensive city It's a challenge, and I think it'll be good for us both personally and professionally.

It staves off any major long distance, too. Menrva's based here for the next few years and probably Grotto too. Actually, Grotto's dropped a few comments to suggest he's not thinking of moving back to our home city anytime soon. Maybe never. (!) Well. A bridge to cross when we get to it.

We have our current apartment til Easter, and Grotto's apartment's lease runs out at a similar time. There's a possibility of shared living after that, if it'll make things work. We'll see.

Other things?

Menrva and Ocean have organised a Christmas picnic for their work colleagues. I had a squee when I got the invite as it listed them both as contact people. Cute. They aren't out at work but, hmm. I suspect a few people have their suspicions!

Menrva's really concerned that being out would affect her employment, though. Ocean is too, to a lesser extent. That sucks. I'm not sure what the fear is based on. I know some of my work colleagues may think I was strange, or whorish, if they knew I wasn't monogamous but I didn't worry I'd lose my job over it (unless they though I was fucking about in work time... maybe that's it actually, as Menrva & Ocean are colleagues. Heh)

Anyway, given their concerns, Ocean said he'd like Grotto to come to the picnic, but he's not sure of us appearing as a couple. This put me off a bit. I'd almost rather not have Grotto there at all, to having him there but us feigning a platonic relationship. I think my emotions are getting a bit twisted up, though, cos it's a fair enough request for Menrva/Ocean to want to limit who they are 'out' to. I reckon I'm weirdly experiencing this as an extension of their DADT arrangement onto me (and I know it's got little to do with that).

Maybe I just don't understand their boundaries, and think they sometimes draw the lines in incomprehensible places, which triggers a desire to scribble my rainbow crayons outside their lines just to prove it won't break anything. Kinda childish of me. I need to accept their limits at face value in this case. It's up to them if they want to be risk-averse with their colleagues.

Unfortunately I forwarded the picnic invite to Grotto without clarification (it said "Friends welcome" and I assumed it'd be cool if he came) so will have to chat with him about Ocean's concerns. I think Grotto and I value and enjoy being out to people, and it's not something we'd give up lightly. However in particular contexts, to respect other people's boundaries/fears, we could be discrete. Guess it's just something we wouldn't wanna make a habit of.

Well. I better get back to my tasks. Need to finish up before Grotto gets here Ocean's heading out after work for dinner and drinks so I have the place to myself. I recently realised (on a rare occasion when Grotto's flatmates were out, and the two of us were home alone at his place) how infrequently we have time to hang out at home with no one else around. I checked in with Ocean to confirm that he'd be out and we'd have the place to ourselves. It's funny how hard it was, to ask a partner you co-habit with to make themselves scarce. It helps that Ocean's asked this of me a few times - either to have Menrva over, or to get some time out by himself. Still, it felt odd to effectively ban someone from their own house, even for a short time.

No guilt, though. Just anticipation And realising I have to get a lot done before Grotto gets here, whoops! This post was longer than I intended.

Last edited by fuchka; 11-21-2012 at 04:27 AM.
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