Thread: Double Standard
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Old 11-20-2012, 11:58 PM
Saphire Saphire is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Default Double Standard

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and are relatively new to poly. We started as swingers and came to poly when I started seeing the same guy for play on my own with hubbys permission. Well it started just as play then went to spending full dates, then an over night then weekends. I never thought feelings would get involved but they did and things have been workings well for about a year and a half.

Now hubby wants to see other women as well. Well, he always has just hasn't found anyone to see on his own. I have always been every supportive and wanted him to find someone because I felt guilty going off and him not having someone. He would play when we went to swing clubs but didn't have someone to see outside the clubs. Now he has found someone and they have a date set up and it is surprising me that it is bothering me. For Hubby party of letting me go spend time with by boyfriend is that it turns him on. The thought of me going, watching me get excited about going, and hearing about it after. The sex is incredibly between Hubby and I. But I don't have that response with Hubby going off. In fact quite the opposite. Watching him texting and getting excited has proved to be quite a turn off. And I can't figure out why.

I don't have this reaction when we go to the club. But their also isn't any build up and flirting for days/weeks before. We go with no expectations, if he meets someone he likes or already knows he can go play alone while I am with BF. It is just different. I have no idea why it is bothering me. I feel like I have no right to have this type of reaction after having been dating another man for a year and a half. Talk about double standard.

I don't know if it is about him going off on a date in general or if it about her. They have played some at the club. Just some oral because he didn't have a condom. She tried to talk him into having sex without the condom using information she had about me and my BF to push for it. We have become fluid bonded recently with Hubby's permission. She is good friends with my BF and knew this and I guess thought that if I was doing it that he should be able to do it on a first meeting. Hubby wrote it off as her being really drunk and promised it wouldn't happen again and he would never do something we aren't comfortable with. Just as I never would have if Hubby hadn't brought it up and been ok with BF and taking that step after so long. But my discomfort with her pushing for this on the first meeting may be coloring my feelings for this date. I don't know.

I haven't told hubby that I'm just turned off and it is why I haven't been wanting sex. His date is tomorrow and I don't want it in the back of his head and ruin his time. I am really hoping that once this first time is over I will get over this silliness.
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