Originally Posted by Fayerweather
My bf, his gf and I recently got together for a "family meeting". There were some issues we were all having and we wanted to sit down and talk them out, and hopefully come up with some solutions/clear the air.
It went really well, but there was a particular problem that came up and I wanted to find out if any of you have had similar problems and how you dealt with them.
My bf's gf is a very private person and new to polyamory. She said that it made her feel unsafe and insecure to have my bf and I discuss his sex life with her when we were alone together. She said it made her feel excluded and she wanted to keep their sex life private.
To me, being able to ask my bf about his sex practices with other partners is essential to my feelings of security and safety. Also, I enjoy hearing about new and exciting things he is doing sexually. I was triggered by the thought of not being able to find out what I need to feel secure, and had a lot of trouble communicating that to her.
In the end, we worked out an agreement that if they did anything new in bed, that either he would ask her permission before telling me, or that she would tell me herself. Also, I would work on asking her directly about what they were doing (which made me uncomfortable, but I promised I would try.
Have any of you had issues with full disclosure? How did you deal with that?
I would say although I understand finding your partner's sex life exciting, I know I found it exciting with G's lovers however I will give my life atm, I am seeing A, we have sex most of the times but we also go out on dates etc I always tell G that we have had sex and he doesn't ask what we do, I don't explore anything than the norm with A where as me and G do but if I did explore something different or wanted to like fluid bonding or anal I would talk to him so I am saying if she wants to keep what she does with him private then I would respect that.