My heart goes out to you, dude. Yes, divorce and custody sucks. My parents went through that. The traditional way to deal with it is to separate, get a divorce and throw lawyers at each other fighting over the children.
There's another way. That is for you to acknowledge that she's the woman you love and had children with, and for her to acknowledge that you're still the man she loved and had children with. For you to find what your goal is: split up and divide the kids, or try to stay together and make a home for them. The second is the harder of the two.
It would mean acknowledging who she is and dealing with your anger over things not working out the way you wanted, in ways other than trying to hurt her, and for her to recognize that you want the best for yourself, the kids, and her. If you can find some good counseling that would be a great idea, if only to have someone to mediate.
I think it would be a good idea to have a vision of what's possible given the circumstances and do what you can to make it happen. A lot of people stay together and give each other space to date and love other people. Maybe you could do something like that.
I know this a very upsetting time in your life, hope you can make it work out.
Last edited by Stevenjaguar; 11-20-2012 at 05:28 PM.