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Old 11-20-2012, 06:46 AM
Archaeolibris Archaeolibris is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 8

Thank you Schrodinger and November for your thoughtful responses. It seems I may have walked semantically into a situation where I was using terms that have a negative connotation to some people here. I suppose I'll just clarify that my use of the word 'share' is not meant to imply that a person (any person) is the property of another to be shared like a plate of Cheetos . . . I meant it more in the sense of "I want to share this experience of intimacy with a woman and my partner." It was the most innocuous term I could think of at the time.

I have 2 thoughts, and maybe this first one deserves to be its own thread (or perhaps it already is?). I was very interested in this comment:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
In short answer to your question: "Polyamory" is only polyamory if you intend to form romantic relationships with those people. But no, they don't have to be permanent or long-term, any more than a monogamous person's relationships have to be permanent or long-term for them to be considered romances. But they do have to be loving and not casual sex.
I find that lots of folks (including self-labeled polyamorites) feel loving and casual sex to be mutually exclusive. I suppose, truly, this depends mostly on what you mean by both 'casual' and 'loving,' and I'd be curious to know. There does seem to be some connection here between loving and lasting. For me, I have always found these things to be quite independent. Some of my longest relationships turned out in the end to not be so loving, and likewise, some of the best emotional and physical intimacy I've experienced were with people that I had no expectation of being able to date or even sleep with again. Perhaps this is why I bristle a bit at those who assume that the 'casual' sex I have is meaningless, objectifying or not loving (and therefore not truly polyamorous?). When you take away monogamous commitment as the one and only sign of romantic love, then what other signs are there that people find meaningful?

My second thought was actually my original question . . . how the crap do you even introduce the idea of a 3-way-attraction with a woman who is into you? For those of you in triads and quads and whatever other configurations, surely you have more experience broaching this subject than I do.

Yes, I am capable of finding gay or bisexual women who would like to date me, and I'm used to telling people attracted to me that I'm in an open relationship-- at which point they either head for the hills or we have a really interesting conversation about intimacy. Usually, whichever of those two things happen, it's for the better. Yet in this situation, I feel like anything I would say would send them packing. How have people successfully talked through these things. "So I'm really into you, and I have this fantasy that I'd like to ask your opinion about . . .?" Should I go out with her a few times just the two of us? Perhaps become intimate with her alone before bringing it up? That seems a little disingenuous if it's a decent part of my motivation. Should I send her out with my partner and hope they hit it off too? Just looking for those with real life experience and savvy in these matters
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