Thread: A Few Questions
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Old 12-25-2009, 09:07 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
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is it possable to be in a long term poly relationship if i myself am mono
Yes-but it requires a great deal of open-mindedness and maturity. It requires you have the ability to accept that people (specifically the ones you are living with) are NOT like you AND that it's OK that they have different lifestyles and preferences than you may.

where my place is being the third and how much i can and cant request of my partner? IE: Asking her to not Sleep with someone who i would rather not have her sleeping with.
This is something that must be ironed out between the three of you. In our V-absolutely. In fact we have agreed that ANY of the three of us has the right PRIOR to a sexual encounter/relationship forming to "veto" ANY of the other of us having a new partner. But we also require that it be PRIOR to a relationship forming and that we speak openly to one another about the issue, and that it not be for selfish purposes (thus we have to be able to back up our request). IF a relationship has already formed then we can still say "hey I think so and so is detrimental because..." but it's up to the person in the relationship to decide how to handle it from there.

As we function as a family (4 kids involved) the biggest focus is on the well-being of the children, not any one of us. But the point is still the same if there aren't kids involved-it shouldn't be a selfish request to help you avoid dealing with your own issues of jealousy or insecurity-but a request based on the best interests of the your partner and the situation as a whole.

would it be selfish of me to ask that sometimes it be just me and her?

Selfish to Ask? No. But again-this needs to be ironed out between the three of you. Personally I think it's perfectly reasonable. BUT at the same time, we dont' all three share a bed (though personally I often wish we could at least PART of the time).

The thing is-this type of thing is SO individual and depends on the specific parties involved. So what works for one group may or may not work for another....

It sounds like you would all benefit from really sitting down and discussing comfort, needs, boundaries to protect each others comforts and needs at home etc.
I found that for THAT purpose the book "opening up" was great. It brought up lists of ideas that might come up for discussion-great way to get a person's mind thinking of "what ifs" that were well worth discussing.

Like safer sex practices. You might be amazed at how differently people define safer sex. I sure was! We had about an hour talk on that alone as we all three had different understandings and definitions, expectations and theories. Between that book and the thread on here about it-we created our own re-defined definition that works for our V.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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