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Old 11-20-2012, 06:44 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by Archaeolibris View Post
Frankly, the sex I have with other women or men . . . even if I'm not looking to date them long-term, tends to be highly meaningful sex with a lasting personal connection . . . not this objectified passing around of a person "like a plate of hors d'oeurves" as you assumed.
No, I wasn't really assuming anything about what you do or want; I was just commenting on the language you used in your title. To say you want to "meet people to share with your partner" does sound objectifying. And so, I see I have misconstrued your intent, but I did base it on the the images that came to my mind about "sharing someone." However, I wasn't looking down on you. When I said that I understand why poly groups wouldn't be your thing (because of the attitude I had misread), I was empathizing with you. It certainly would be understandable (if you actually did view things that way).

Originally Posted by Archaeolibris View Post
Is it then your contention that polyamory is only polyamory if you intend all of your relationships to be multiple and permanent/long term?
Uh, no... I think many quite wonderful relationships can be short-term only, even if one for one night! But not sure what "all relationships to be multiple" would mean. Yes, poly is about the desire or ability to have multiple loving relationships, but how is a relationship multiple? Anyway, and I am sure you know this, it is usually accepted that the basic thread in poly relationships is a connection and love, or a loving quality, rather than a focus on sex, so when you posted saying you were only wanting to find someone to participate in threesomes, I thought that swinger activities were closer to what you wanted. Sorry I misunderstood, but I wouldn't have known, from that first post of yours, that there was anything more to your quest.

Originally Posted by Archaeolibris View Post
For my own part, I don't label myself . . . I am just me, and what I do romantically is closer to what all of you seem to be doing that what monogamous couples or swingers do. That said, you guys seem definitely not to want to claim someone like me
I don't like labels either and do not identify as polyamorous myself. As for what "we all are doing," well there's a lot of variety of experience and configurations here!! I don't know what you mean by us not wanting to claim someone like you, but in all honesty, I was only trying to assess what you were looking for, based on the info in your first post, and to offer ideas on where you could get it. We do have polyfolk here who also swing, so it wasn't that you were being shooed away or judged. It just seemed like poly was incongruent with what you stated you were looking for and we were trying to help with suggestions we thought would match the goal of just finding someone for a threesome. As SC said, we do get lots of people making similar requests here who really are looking for (and would be happier in) a swinging type community.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 11-20-2012 at 06:49 AM.
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