Swinging is not synonymous with "partner swap." Swinging refers to seeking casual sex with people outside your romantic relationship, with the conscious intention of not forming romantic bonds with those people.
I interpreted your first post as saying you were mostly interested in sex, and not romance. You emphasized that you wanted to find a woman to have sex with. You emphasized that you were not seeking a committed relationship.
Upon your clarification that what you're seeking is not casual, meaningless sex, it becomes more apparent that swinging is not quite what you meant. You'll have to forgive us; we get a lot of people here who really are swingers and looking to fuck around with no strings attached, and we tend to revert to our old tricks in dealing with them. Apologies for lumping you in and throwing a label on you.
Please note: even though we were mistaken, no one actually looked down on you for what we interpreted as swinging. What you quoted was a reaction to the specific word "share". You can share your Cheezies. You can share your body. Your partner can share his body. You cannot share your partner, because you do not own him. And you certainly cannot share third parties with your partner, because you do not own them either. You cannot share what you do not own, and the only person you own is yourself.
The umbrella term for non-monogamy is "non-monogamy." Open relationships are one form of non-monogamy; not all non-monogamous relationships are "open." For example, there are triad families which are closed. Swinging, polyamory, polyfidelity, open relationship, dadt... these are all different forms of non-monogamy.
In short answer to your question: "Polyamory" is only polyamory if you intend to form romantic relationships with those people. But no, they don't have to be permanent or long-term, any more than a monogamous person's relationships have to be permanent or long-term for them to be considered romances. But they do have to be loving and not casual sex.
But you have nothing to prove to us, we're just a bunch of twoodles with computers who happen to think in a similar way about some things. As a group, we have more differences than similarities. I personally find that when people challenge my pre-conceived notions, it gives me a chance to reflect on my prejudices and usually results in some kind of growth.
Now in answer to your original question... The best way to find them the same way you find any partner: bars, coffee houses, bookstores, classes at school, looking over turnips in the produce aisle... However you've done it in the past is the way to do it in the future; however you would do it if you were single is the way to do it if you're partnered.
You've specifically rejected both the poly and swinger communities. There aren't any other organised non-monogamy groups to draw on. There are many people like yourself who have been turned off by each of those groups, and aside from the internet (which is tedious), they find one another the same old ways anyone finds one another.
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).
The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 11-20-2012 at 04:51 AM.