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Old 11-19-2012, 08:38 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I think it is simple.

He's either willing to participate in something with her or not:

1) The sex she wants to have with him.
2) The communication she wants to have with him.
3) the repair work (like counseling) to solve only 1, only 2, or 1 AND 2.

If he's just not IN this relationship any more and not saying it... she can choose to accept that he's just not IN this relationship any more and not saying it.

Once accepting that?

Then she can choose

1) She chooses to keep her expectations of him and she chooses to continue to participate in relationship where he does not meet expectation. (May still find it unsatisfactory, but that's the feeling ensuing after choice in her behavior)

2) She chooses to let go of any expectations from him and chooses to participate in the relationship. (See if change in her behavior (letting go of expectation) ensues in her feeling better or not.)

3) She chooses drop expectations of him and to choose to stop participating in the relationship and drop him. (See if change in her behavior (breaking up) ensues in her feeling better.)

4) She keeps her expectations of him. She chooses to stay in relationship. AND he chooses to meet her expectations. (That I grey out because she cannot control all of that option. Only her bits. HE controls him and what his behavior is and what he contributes to the relationship. So options 1-3 are things she actually has full control over. She may wish for 4, but she's not in control of him.

By no means is all this easy to FEEL. I am in no way saying it is easy to feel!

I wish for option 4 for her sake! But if he is not delivering to spec, she's got to think about the return on her investment. And whether it is enough to keep her here and feed her.

It simply boils down to actions done/not done. And what she is willing to live with or not. What SHE wants to continue participating in.

And that is simple. Take inventory. What does he do/not do? Is this enough to keep her here and keep her well fed? Yes/no? Only she can answer that.

One of those crossroads moments in life. "Which options stinks least? And which option leads to my best long term health improvement?"

I don't think just staying in limbo helps the stress level in the mental health bucket.

It's time to take stock. She could spend some time probing to see if he will respond to other things. And after her probing time? Come to Final Decision.

You can give your partner a good chance to respond and get their input taken on board. But if they shillyshally, then you have no choice but to move forward without them and make the call without their input on board. Sigh.

Lolalondon -- hang in there. I know it's hard for you right now as you try to sort all this out for yourself and where you want to be next. *hug*

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-19-2012 at 11:13 PM.
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