View Single Post
  #7  
Old 11-19-2012, 05:19 PM
lolalondon lolalondon is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 30
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Problem 1 is that the sex you are having is not the stuff you want to have with him and you know he is capable of performance with his other partner.

Problem 2 is that he is avoiding giving you a reason for this. He wants to brush it under the rug.
Exactly... he just denies there is a problem, and if I try to explain he makes it out like it's about me "telling him off" or undermining his "performance". He has never been able to separate things - if I crave a sex act we are not having it somehow means he's "let me down" and any little request leads to avoidance and that sex act being taken away from the relationship. But equally I feel a bit insane because he is so adamant everything is fine... I guess the main point would be to get him to admit there is a problem, and that it is located in both of us and how we interact.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
You should be able to ask your partner "Would you be willing to share sex with me in this manner?"

And he should be able to communicate back "Yes, I would be willing."

Or " No, I would not be willing."

And you should be able to inquire why if not willing.
Ahhh but you see, his answer is "yes, I love doing this with you". He won't accept that it's all good and well him saying so but the fact it doesn't happen any more - for example with bondage we're talking a year now, whereas it used to be all the time - speaks for itself. He'll just flat out deny that he doesn't want to do these things for whatever reason (I think crisis of confidence because of our interactions getting quite negative is the most likely cause).

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Since he's unwilling to TALK about Shared Vulnerable -- and thus help create emotional intimacy with heart-to-heart talks... where else do you guys do this together? Share emotional intimacy? Could these things be plumped up a bit? Does he write you love letters? Sing you songs? What?
He has adult ADHD and so he often sits in front of a computer or his iphone and will do gaming and stuff, maintaining long conversations "hurts his head" and he doesn't look after me in other ways, like cooking or taking me out much. So I guess sex was the arena where I felt looked after and loved... not anymore really. I know he really does care for me, but his idea of emotional intimacy is watching a film together; I hate watching things most of the time and more of an interactive person. He finds intense interactions difficult to manage. Usually we're both quite good at recognising our "different wiring" and compromising, at other times I just feel lonely.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Is he of age for andropause? Could that be affecting him?
I doubt it, he still gets hard very easily and we always do something together, and he has a very high sex drive still. It's just... the ability to play together I guess, it feels like it's dying and I don't know what to do
Reply With Quote