Where doyou meet people to share with your partner apart from 'poly community' events
This is my first post on this forum, so hello to all of you and thanks for taking the time to consider my question. It's a simple one: if you were looking to meet a potential date to explore ménage à trois with your committed partner, where would you go to meet such a potential play mate if you find you don't really fancy going to 'poly-community' events and activities?
Let me explain a little bit about myself and why I ask. I've been in a committed, very loving and sexually gratifying open relationship for the past 2 years or so. After making a few colossal mistakes in the beginning, the 'open' part of our relationship feels great now, and is pretty much only used occasionally for little flings that are not meant to interfere with the time and energy that I and my partner normally spend on each other. Recently, we thought that it might be fun to make love to another woman together (something neither of us have tried, the threesome): my partner is a straight man, but I am very bi and have dated many women.
We are both turned on by the idea . . . and then hit the reality of how difficult that might be to find: someone who we're both attracted to and who wouldn't think we were gross or crazy for looking to flirt as a couple with another woman. Both of us would be happiest avoiding 'poly-potlucks' or 'meet ups' or other 'poly-community' activities (though obviously we know we would have better luck finding a willing partner in such a place). I'm not here to diss folks who do enjoy being a part of a poly social scene--to each their own happiness--but it's just really not for me, and my partner feels much the same way. I suppose I just see sexuality or sexual preference not as something you are, but as something you do, and while you could say that I'm in a functionally polyamorous relationship, I find that this tends to be the most that I have in common with folks eager to label themselves as 'polyamorous.' I also find internet dating sites and seedy adult personals tough to see working for me-- I've never been comfortable or much satisfied in our society's electronic or actual meat markets. So then the question remains . . . how and where do you think I (or my partner, or both of us), could meet and actually get to know someone who is interesting, attractive, and down with us both for some adventure? For those open couples who have had success with this, please tell me about how and why it worked for you. What advice do you have about pursuing someone for a fling with your partner?
I should add that we are not looking to add someone to our relationship in the long term . . . we're happy as we are, but it would be really lovely to meet someone, flirt, talk, do some things together, maybe end up in bed all three of us just once or a few times . . .