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Old 06-07-2009, 06:37 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PorcelainPowder View Post
.I have been a serial monogamist since I was sixteen, but there has always been that undeniable urge to love more than one person. I have had several year-long or longer relationships, but never cheated.
Serial Monagamy is the "moral standard" these days. Many Christians believe that it is immoral, and choose to assert certain verses of biblical text to justify it. I can argue the opposite point and will save that argument for another thread.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PorcelainPowder View Post
It was very difficult for me to leave John, considering how much I loved him and how much I thought the two of us were meant to be, but I am proud of myself for breaking up, because as he considered himself very traditionally monogamous, I would've hurt him and denied myself.
That was a noble gesture. Acting on his feelings instead of your own shows strong empathy. I am an empath, and I appreciate knowing other empaths.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PorcelainPowder View Post
When I am in one relationship, I tend to feel trapped, unable to exercise my sexuality, nurturing and creativity to its fullest extent.
You are capable of recognizing your own feelings. Typically that is the first recognizable trait of an empath. You might be one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PorcelainPowder View Post
I discussed these feelings with Sébastien, and he seemed to be very understanding and allowing, and stated that he wanted to respect me but he was not interested in other lovers. We made a deal that I could have sex with women. Hallelujah! However, several nights later I met a girl to whom I was attracted, and who was also attracted and interested in me. I mentioned the compliments she had given me to S. and he reacted with jealousy. I went to a party with her two days later and we ended up sleeping together at my apartment. S. was furious,
I am sure you feel badly about his feelings, but he is the one who made and broke the deal. To allow your empathy for him to overcome the mechanics of the deal is the wrong usage of empathy. Such usage is classic of abuse victims. You are allowing yourself to be dominated by those empathic feelings, and setting yourself up to be a doormat. Don't do. Draw the line in the sand. Don't blame yourself or him. Jealousy is a natural extension of the monogamous morality. It is one the toughest obstacles of a poly.

You need to realize how much work it could require to overcome jealousy, and then decide if the change in your moral code is worth the effort.


Quote:
Originally Posted by PorcelainPowder View Post
I have since told him I won't do it again. She was also hurt because I considered it just sex, seeing as how we were both in LTRs with other people.
If it was just sex, then it really isn't poly, IMO. It is swinging, and that would actually be a different argument that Sebastien could have with your affair. You certainly need to understand that a good poly relationship is with two or more significant others, and can be an LTR. You almost become a family, but for the legal restrictions. NSA sex is NSA sex, not poly; IMO.
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