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Old 11-19-2012, 06:22 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Then point it out to other women who have miscarried without previous children.
I have, via this thread, which may be read by other women who have miscarried without previous children. I prefaced it to you because you were the one who brought up the "differences", and you may know people going through something similar.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
That grief is different, ( which is not a veiled remark that its somehow 'less'. )
I understand that you feel the grief is "different". I felt, when I made that post, that the phrasing -

Quote:
... the grief was overwhelming for a very long time. Especially, when we already have children.
- implied that the grief experienced by non-mothers was less overwhelming for a less-lengthy time (it was the use of the word "especially" that conveyed that implication to me). I have been grieving my first miscarriage for 10 years and still find myself overcome by grief when I watch my nieces and nephews reaching milestones that "my baby" should have been reaching - I hate myself for feeling jealous when my sister gets to watch her second child graduate from pre-school when I am denied that experience even ONCE (...okay, for the record, I had to take a break in this post there...I had to go have a good cry...the boys are completely flummoxed as to why I have suddenly broken into silent tears...)

Similarly, with the statement -

Quote:
When you`ve already experienced motherhood, there is a grief of losing a child, and all the things you wondered about. The hopes, the dreams,...
- the qualifier "When you've already experienced mother hood" did seem to imply that those of us who haven't experienced motherhood didn't experience the "grief of losing a child" as though we didn't experience "all the things you wondered about. The hopes, the dreams,..."

Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
The OP has previous children, and I spoke from the actual experience of.
I understand that you were speaking to the OP, that is fine. I was speaking to you and the countless others reading these (public) forums.

In all actuality, I don't know that the grief is different (you'll have to ask someone who has experienced the loss in each scenario). My grief for each of my two miscarriages was different - I was at a different place in my life, my relationships, my approach to potential motherhood, and my expectations (my two miscarriages were 9 YEARS apart - each month of non-pregnancy between the two bearing its own mini-grieving process... I had failed yet again).

I have seen women with no children and multiple who had mixed feelings about their miscarriage. I have seen women, in each case, at either extreme, feel relieved or devastated. I don't know that you can generalize.

JaneQ
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Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 11-19-2012 at 06:33 AM.
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