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Old 11-19-2012, 05:11 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,858

At this point he asked if meeting her had really gone well and if his gf could come to my Thanksgiving dinner, to which I felt an obligation to say yes.
I'd really like to not feel this way, if anyone has any thoughts about overcoming this sort of thing.
You cannot control what you feel. You just feel it when it bubbles up. Rain is rain. Sun is sun. Emotion is emotion. Let it blow on through. It's just internal weather.

You can only control your behavior. And the behavior that led to this yucky stress ball feeling is you going into a panic and just saying "Yes!" without thinking it out.

(For future when startled, also learn to say "Ok...Let me check my kitchen calendar at home and I'll get back with you on that." That's not say yes or no, that is giving you some breathing room to consider. Then later when you have considered just say plain yes or "not at this time. maybe next.")

So now you can choose to call her up and him up and adjust the invitations.

"I did a total newbie duh! Shared BF surprised me and I blurted yes without thinking of the stress being hostess to Thanksgiving causes me. Could we ramp me up slower into Trio-Land and just do a trio Thanksgiving together this year on a different date by ourselves? And do the bigger gathering when I'm more confident being in trio?

I like you both a lot but this being in trio thing is new and I'm worried I'll screw up somehow at Thanksgiving with all eyes on me as the hostess. It would mean a lot to me if you guys help me to reduce my stress."

I think part of it is that I have no idea how to negotiate the physical side of things if the three of us are in one place. Usually he is a very physically affectionate towards me (and presumably towards her?) and I have no idea what will happen on thanksgiving. (also I don't want to make my guests uncomfortable who don't know the situation).
So you try this on at a LOWER KEY thing. Go to a movie together. Try it on.

Is this just the newness of it or also something else in there like jealousy?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-19-2012 at 05:15 AM.
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