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Old 11-19-2012, 04:01 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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It would make more sense to me if you said "speak from" rather than "speak to."
Fair enough... I'll try take that on board. Let me sit with it a bit. Maybe use words like "I think he could be speaking from a place of fear, anger, joy, etc."

When I talk to myself in my head I go "What emotion of mine am I speaking to when I do that behavior? I do X, and then I feel Y. So when I do that, I end up speaking to my fear, sadness, etc. If I want to feel Z, what behavior must I change?"

I also tend to go with "that behavior speaks to" in the attempt to step away from the cloudy emotional plane. Emotion can cloud good judgement. I do feel my emotions, but when I'm thinking about my feelings and sorting my feelings out -- I rather focus on my actions done/not done and what behavior I need to change to allow new feelings to ensue.

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Quote:
The thing I wonder is, was he being dishonest then, in that he said he was on board when he really didn't want to be, or is he being dishonest now, in that he actually was willing then but changed his mind (like "buyer's remorse"), and is using teh idea that he never was willing as a way to guilt-trip, blame, and get what he wants from his wife.
I wonder too. But the bottom line is still AC is being asked to pay the price.

AC expressed that at this time she's leaning toward trying again to becoming a conventional wife. (It doesn't appear to me she is really willing to do that, but maybe more like resigned to it while upset by it on the inside?)

If this is the proposed solution for the next (?) months, I'd get that defined in writing with him at the counselor's.
  • What is the wife supposed to execute in her behaviors? And bring to the marriage?
  • And what will husband execute in his behaviors and bring to the marriage?
  • When is the re-assess date? And what happens if when it is time to take into account and things are not being done -- what will be the natural consequence?

No more trying to hit a moving goalpost. Could each define and then execute their task lists in service to the marriage and be willing to be held accountable. BOTH players, not just one. Did they deliver? Or NOT? Are they actively tending to the health of the marriage and their partner? Or NOT?

Not willing to be present, participating, and accountable in your own marriage is not cool. That is not two people in partnership. That is a one sided relationship.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-19-2012 at 04:42 AM.
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