View Single Post
  #15  
Old 11-19-2012, 01:20 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,009
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
When you do things you are not really willing to do? Then later if something happens that he does not like or is unhappy with... well... why didn't he just speak to his willingness from the get go?

. . . The DH seems like he was speaking to his fear, not his willingness.
Well, it was the "speaking to" part that doesn't make sense to me. I don't speak to my feelings. I experience them, express them, avoid them, etc. So, I think what you mean by "speaking to" fear or willingness or whatever, is to express oneself from the perspective of whatever the feeling is. It would make more sense to me if you said "speak from" rather than "speak to."

- - - - -

Basically, he is saying now that he was never willing to agree to the arrangement they had but only did it out of fear. So, he is admitting to being dishonest and AC is now being asked to pay the price. The thing I wonder is, was he being dishonest then, in that he said he was on board when he really didn't want to be, or is he being dishonest now, in that he actually was willing then but changed his mind (like "buyer's remorse"), and is using teh idea that he never was willing as a way to guilt-trip, blame, and get what he wants from his wife.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote