I sometimes wish that we could live together as friends and partners in raising our children, and just let go of that part that is causing us so much difficulty, having a romantic partnership.
Have you asked him if this is a possibility for him?
But he desperately wants a conventional life. So I will give another try at becoming a conventional wife.
Where is your upper limit number? How many times does the experiment need to be run before you arrive at the conclusion of "This does not work. We keep ending up with same unsatisfactory results?"
Something must change in this scenario. Could choose to move on to making changes. Or could choose to do more of same and expect what? More of same.
I am sorry you are going through this. I know it must feel terrrible. But repeating known
things already -- does that add to the problems or take away? Does it move things forward or keep it stuck?