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Old 11-18-2012, 09:05 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
He did not speak to his willingness.
What does "he did not speak to his willingness" mean? If he agreed to certain things, and then went back on his word and put up more restrictions, then what would "speaking to his willingness" have looked like, exactly? I find this phrase confusing.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
If you choose to agree to a Closed Polyship of 2 . . .
I think you should explain what you mean by that. Not many people I know use the same lingo you do. As far as I know, a closed relationship of two people is called monogamy, or a monogamous dyad. And that is what AC's husband would prefer. IIRC, he has only ever been with AC.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Right now I am hearing you chose to cancel a trip with the BF and postpone sex to allow space to work on the marriage and give DH the emotional safety he needs to get his butt in gear and WORK ON THE MARRIAGE.

So let's not jump the gun on the BF thing. Thank him for his patience and willingness to let you focus on this area of your life. Could tell BF you plan to check back in on _____ date so he's not out in the cold.

So now that husband can focus...

What are his deliverables for new behaviors? . . .
Yes, and they have done this before. In older threads, you will see that this is not the first time AC put a stop on activities with the boyfriend -- AND there was also another love that she let go completely -- to make peace with her husband. Her husband has done this back and forth number on her again and again.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
If he chooses destructive behavior STILL? When the deadline arrives you could say -- I am sorry. You got your request for BF to be on hold for a month so you could focus on healthy change. You continue to choose desctructive behavior. This does not to meet my needs. We must part ways.
AC - I agree with this and the others who have said similarly, that maybe the marriage is heading to an end, though I know how deeply you love your husband. Unfortunately, once again, here I am saying... love is simply not enough to make a relationship satisfying and fulfilling. There has to be a true partnership where each person gives of themselves and creates a space for the other to shine fully with the light of who they are, and to be the best they can be, as well as living as fully as they can and striving for their own full potential. It's just not enough to love someone if a working partnership isn't there. Yes, keep working on the issues in therapy, but consider that the alternative, as scary and terrible as it may be to even think of splitting up, could be the key to your freedom and happiness. For both of you.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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