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Old 11-18-2012, 08:45 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,435

Not that I'm a big Dr. Phil groupie... but I always remember this one thing he said [paraphrased]:

Forgiveness does not mean saying that what you did is okay. It means I'm no longer going to bear the burden of your bad behaviour. If I forgive you, it's not about you, it's about me. It's about me not carrying around that anger any more, allowing it to continue hurting me. Whether or not you are sorry, it's better for me if I can forgive you.

It's important to remember that "forgive" is not "forget." There are people who have wronged me without remorse or apology, and I've forgiven them because it wasn't healthy for me to waste my energy hating them. But you can bet your last dollar, I never gave them the chance to do it again. And for those who have apologized, I'm still wary to give them the opportunity again. I have to be sure that they've actually learned their lesson.

Now if it so happens that you are genuinely apologetic for what you did, and you are relieved and grateful that I've forgiven you, then so much the better for both of us.

So in that sense, I never ask for forgiveness. The most I can do is express my genuine remorse for hurting you. What you choose to do with that is your business.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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