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Old 11-18-2012, 08:27 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by sparklepop View Post
Last time I went home to the UK, she dated heavily, very quickly, which caused a lot of strain. This memory, plus her impending sex with hot and heavy guy, led to me suggest a guideline - we agreed that when I got home, we'd put off dating for a couple of weeks, to give us time to adjust to being apart before adding other people to the mix.
The first thing I notice is that you only say her dating caused the strain. Is that the complete story? Or is it partially true that your reaction to her dating was partially responsible for the strain? If you were someone who was turned on by her dating other people, then her dating would not cause strain. So you cannot put the blame 100% on her dating, you have to accept responsibility for the way you feel about her dating.

There's another issue at play here. You say she has no platonic friends. It sounds like she may be using sex as a surrogate for meaningful, intimate relationships. There are all kinds of reasons people do that, but usually it's because there's something going on in their psychological make-up that ought to be addressed. Now ideally, that means she would seek counselling and deal with her issues. But in the interim, it means you're asking her to live for two weeks in complete isolation, without any of her usual crutches. How would you feel if she asked you to spend the first two weeks back home without talking to any of your friends, relying only on sporadic time-zone-lagged emails and texts with her for contact with other humans?
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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