Or I should say that life feels good and bad.
Although nobody in my life is ill or dying right now, at work things are different. One colleague's 14 year old daughter has cancer and is undergoing chemo, another colleague is being tested to see if she is a bone marrow match for her brother who has cancer. And one of my colleagues has bone cancer and is in hospital. We are all close, having worked together for over a decade and having supported each other through several illnesses and deaths of each other's friends and loved ones.
Our closeness is wonderful and we all appreciate it. It does make work a slightly bleak place just now - so often our conversations surround illness and how to help our loved ones.
My SO also has been experiencing some stress at work and he has slipped in our agreements in the last week or so.
We have talked again and again I have offered that if being in a close, intimate relationship is just too much work for him, we can go back to being platonic friends. He doesn't with for that to happen so we have done some replanning and rediscussing the importance of sticking to agreements - to hopefully allow both of us to be comfortable in our relationship.
I am very grateful for all of my friends who have spoken to me about what goes on between my SO and I - they offer their own perspectives and ideas and help me cheer up - with love and no attachment to outcome.
It seems that I am good at choosing friends and having excellent people in my life.