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Old 11-18-2012, 05:41 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
"we agreed that when I got home, we'd put off dating for a couple of weeks, to give us time to adjust to being apart before adding other people to the mix."
Quote:
To me - the method she's chosen to ease her pain increases mine.
I am not hearing specific on the limit.

What is "dating" to each of you? It is _____? I get confused sometimes because people mean "dating" like "having sex with."

"The mix" of WHAT? The bedroom for sex? Emotional relationship? Friendship?

I am not hearing specific on "the method" that bugs you either. That she overshares this information in general? She tells you at night when you are tired? Drives you nuts with texting? There are no specifics on how to communicate in the 2 week window to ease transition of "being back at home."

SMART check:

What (s)pecifics? No slang or euphemism. Let's get clear with GF.
  • No intercourse or outercourse or kink of any kind for 2 weeks when you get back to UK? General dating is fine?
  • Or not talking/flirting or general dating much less sexing with anyone new for 2 weeks when you get back to UK?
  • Or not TELLING you about the sex she has/talks she has/flirts she has for 2 weeks?Because overshare makes you nuts?
  • Or not TELLING you this stuff in _email/cel___method that makes you nuts and doing it in THIS ___phonecall___way instead, please.

I am hearing (m)easurable. 2 weeks.
I am not hearing (a)ttainable because 2 weeks is attainable but the (s)pecific is unknown still
I am not hearing (r)easonable because 2 weeks part is reasonable enough but specific is unknown still
I am hearing timely -- 2 weeks is an ok turn around for settling into regular life post trips.

This agreement is almost SMART criteria if you can iron out the specific.

Could also consider rewrite the agreement so it is more focused on what you want more of and "do this" , and not written from what you do not want -- "do not do this."

When GF asks you if you would like a beverage? "Do not bring me milk, please" (what you do not want) is not the same thing as saying "Do bring me orange juice, please." (what you want)

She could spend all day bringing coffee, tea, vodka, milkshake and you get pissed there is STILL no OJ and she gets pissed she's carting drinks about trying to satisfy you and you still are not satisfied.

Could maybe try to be more clear, more specific about your need that you want her to meet.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-18-2012 at 05:49 AM.
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