What my husband has said to me today is that our "agreement" was something he was forced into because he felt I would revert to a recurrent illness if he didn't give in. That I have not been loyal to him, because I have been in a relationship with another man despite knowing that he did not "really" agree to it.
I called my boyfriend and we agreed to cancel our trips, and not be intimate, which really means not being together.
My husband is thankful and relieved and says now, finally, he can start putting effort into making our marriage better.
I am crying and crying and crying. I went running until it got too dark. Now what? How can I find closeness and intimacy with my husband, when I so much resent his unwillingness to make this work? (I say unwilling in part because he backs out on our agreements, and in part because he flatly refuses to try to learn or understand anything about polyamory on the grounds that he doesn't want anything to do with it.)
Should I smile and fake domestic happiness and offer my body at night and hope that eventually I convince myself that this is what I want? Or can I go live in the guest room and write down every wonderful moment I've had with my boyfriend before I forget them, because they have been some of the absolute best moments of my life? At least for a little while?
This hurts SO MUCH! Why must I choose? I get to love both my children, and both my parents. How does my loving another man hurt my husband so much?
Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs