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Old 12-24-2009, 10:39 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Humans definitely have a fundamental need to be connected with those around us. Our very ability to live with each other is determined from the experiences of our earliest days. I used to work with kids who had been in orphanages from their earliest days. These kids received no affection as infants and toddlers and now that they are older, they are fundamentally unable to feel empathy or connect with other human beings. In that case the need is very real and very important.

For me, that connection is definitely a need, but it's a need that can be fulfilled in so many different ways. Romantic love is one of them. I can definitely say that when I feel that kind love, it provides an enrichment to my life that I seek and move towards when it's there. But I've gone through long enough stretches of not having that kind of love in my life to know that I can seek my happiness in other ways of connecting.

I've also learned that when my love for someone starts translating into needing them, it starts to cast a shadow on the love we share. It starts to cage that love in ways that strain my feelings. When I feel need for someone, it starts feeling like possession. I've found that the whole "when you love someone, set them free" really applies for me. The love I feel is so much more nourishing when I let it go.

That said, there are moments of grace in life when experiencing love from another person somehow sets something free in yourself. Sadly there are far too many people in the world that never experience such grace. Some manage to find their freedom despite that, others remain trapped. (I think that's why I like Dickens' A Christmas Carol so much- its really about a moment of grace that allows a man to set himself free from the pain that held him down)
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