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Old 11-17-2012, 01:29 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,809

Your husband has stated he is not willing at this time to go there and why. It is a limit of his.

Have you asked him first if this is a HARD LIMIT (that will never change) or this is a SOFT LIMIT (that could change in time?)

That information could help you reconcile yourself to this limit if you still wish to be in harmonious relationship with him as a romantic partner person.

Then you could kind of mull over your own feelings and find where your own wants, needs, and limits are.

DO you still want to be in romantic relationship with him? Or want to end that and be friends?
DO you still want to be in harmonious relationship with him? As a lover? As a friend? Or not care to be in harmonious relationship with him?
What ARE your needs? And LIMITS? Is this baby thing a WANT and not a NEED?

I would gently suggest upping the birth control so there's no chance of pregnancy while this one is up in the air and you all are sorting out your feelings. No need to add another pregnancy en route to your grieving process over the miscarriage, and then the sorting out feelings of "more future kid or done making kids?" question for yourself.

Nobody ever died from going slow, waiting, and getting verification and clarification.

For what it is worth, I felt a lot of "baby urges" at various points. When I miscarried, when my kid weaned. when my spouse and I were sorting out his vasectomy, etc. It's like biology of the brain is going "Oh no! Human race survival!" and making my body... well. Have URGES. But I can hear the phone ring and not answer the call.

You cannot help how you feel. You CAN help how you choose to behave.

So you could choose to be kind to yourself and partners and try to deal with one thing at a time -- the grief process of the miscarriage. Heal from that FIRST, before bringing on new things. Could choose to deal with just ONE thing at a time.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-17-2012 at 01:31 AM.
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