View Single Post
Old 11-16-2012, 09:10 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,811

We have spoken about what we would do if we ever broke up and she says that she would not be able to be even my friend. I guess what I'm afraid of is if we do break up, I will lose her completely and forever.
This is not a case of "Win choice vs lose choice." ALL the choices stink for you.

So pick the least stinky one then. Some of the choices in Life just come that way. If there was a rose smelling chose we'd be all over that but there isn't so..."Which one stinks the least then? And moves things forward?"
1) You choose to stay =
  • KNOWN pain/struggle of being in polyship that does not meed your needs.
  • It stinks, you know it, that's why you are posting cuz you feel stuck
  • There is no end to stink in sight.

2) You choose to THINK about leaving =
  • possible Pain/struggle of learning to live without her because you cannot imagine it right now.
  • you don't want to think it, but still enduring known pain #1 in the meanwhile.
  • And really you are thinking about it. Just more like thinking about not wanting to think about it. It is tempest in a teapot.

Better to just NOT imagine things and get on with realities and skip the "what iffing" tempest in a teapot. Deal with WHAT IS as you come to them. Just take this off table. Grey it out!

3) You choose to ask GF to close back down to monoship so you get relief =
  • possible pain if she says "no" to monoship
  • possible pain she breaks up with you.
  • possible pain she does NOT break up with you and you remain in unsatisfying polyship with her.
  • possible pain you have to move on and break up with her.
  • You deal with fact that exgf would not want to be friends afterward.
  • (Maybe it turns out you are ok with it after initial ughness?)

4) You choose to leave without asking her about monoship =
  • Possible pain and struggle of dealing with break up
  • You deal with fact that exgf would not want to be friends afterward.
  • (Maybe it turns out you are ok with it after initial ughness?)
Are there more choices here not yet listed? Could add those on board then for yourself.

Then could relist in order of pain level for yourself -- least stinky to most stinky. Then could choose to make a decision so you at least are moving something forward and unsticking yourself form all this ugh.

Me? I'd go with with ask if a monoship is possible and if not, be prepared to 3 and break up. Just to know I checked all avenues before moving my life forward toward a healing place. Short term suckage is less stinky than long term known no end in sight suckage.

Then even though there is short term UGH to get through, you are moving your LONG TERM healths to a better space and reaching TOWARD your next future happiness.

Not sitting in endless suckage stuckness.

I know it is very hard to feel, and I am sorry you are in pain.

But shilly shally just elongates the duration. Sooner or later you have to make up your mind what you want. I hope you want to pick YOUR best long term healths in mind, body, heart, and soul. For sure your mental health, emotional health, and spiritual healths are hurting right now.

But you choose your behavior and then the feelings ensue after. Your behavior either is moving you toward a positive place or it isn't.

My 2 cents,

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-16-2012 at 09:26 PM.
Reply With Quote