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Old 11-16-2012, 02:35 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891

Originally Posted by darkwillows View Post
Oh, and his extended family makes his parents seem wonderful in comparison....

He wants to just be direct and honest. I prefer to tell them that it's none of their business and they don't have to right to judge the validity of my marriage.
What is the difference between being direct and honest and telling them it's none of their business and they don't have the right to judge? It seems to me both those things are very direct and honest, which leaves me with the impression that one is acknowledging your lifestyle and one is combative and challenging.

You know the saying you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. You're not going to change anybody's mind by getting angry and accusing them of judging.

And as to judging, we're very heavy on nonjudgmentalism these days, but I think there's a difference between 'judging' and having an opinion. These people do have a right to their opinion. They do have a right to have different moral beliefs than you do.

I just hate the fact that I am probably going to have to defend my lifestyle and my marriage (again, had to do it with his mom) to people who have no right to judge me/mine.

Any thoughts from the forum on how to navigate this? Suggestions on what to say to nosy/negative family? It's really giving me a lot of anxiety and I already have enough to deal with.
Your post has a lot of negatives about this family. Maybe they really are awful people, I don't know. But they no doubt know that you have these negative attidues about them, and feel just as judged by you, and that's going to be a vicious cycle in which they are likely to react negatively to you, too.

If you're at peace with your lifestyle, it doesn't matter what they think. Smile, change the subject, ask how their kids are, and if all else fails, walk away. Lead the way, set the example of showing peace and respect. If they continue shunning you or putting tacks on your chair before Thanksgiving dinner, simply don't go from now on. Problem solved.
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