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Old 11-16-2012, 02:18 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

thanks for reading along, you all
It's quite funny to share these mile stones with a bunch of people who are strangers, yet 'get' it so well.

I'm still in an amazing good place. I feel strong, confident and full of love. I talked to a friend yesterday and she said that maybe I was more in need of my parents approval than I thought? and that the fact that they did not respond extremely negatively made me feel so good?
But I don't think it's about telling my parents per se - I think it's about the fact that I'm trying to purge my life from lies and bullshit. Every little step I take in that direction, helps. Some of the situations in my life that make me anxious and upset are more in my control than others, and I need to figure out which ones I can control and what I can do about it. The situation with my parents made me anxious and it turned out I could fix that by telling them my story. (of course, I may have added a new source of anxiety - we'll see how it goes when the news has had a chance to sink in with them).

My connection with C. feels strong and secure, yet I feel much less worried and anxious about him dating (which I know he is) . It's all about trust.

I got an email from MrBrown today, the ever cool and collected one, the one who seems to always have all his ducks in a row and who is not fazed by anything. Turns out he's been home from work with burn out symptoms. It's pretty huge, I think, that he's telling me - we don't really have that type of relationship. It felt like a gift that he shared it with me. I probaly won't see him for a while, but we have a weekend scheduled somewhere in december and I'm looking forward to that - if he's well enough by then, for that.

Date with Cute Bi Guy planned for tonight. It's the second date and I have NO clue where this could go, or where I would want it to go. I suspect some heavy flirting and probably a kiss or two. But I'm not really sure if I'm ready to be sexual with another man. But I do have some pretty hot fantasies that involve him and another guy. We'll see

All in all, I intend to enjoy my feelings of calm and contentment while they last... because I'm sure some sort of poly-bomb will blow up at some point. For now, all is good.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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