fuchka: Yeah, I think it was interesting too. I'm glad we can talk about these things, but it's not always easy for him.
I've realised a few things about Bob. Throughout our friendship we've had this same conversation many times where he thinks I'm trying to turn this into a relationship and me convincing him that I'm not. The problem is that we see friendships very differently. My friendships are usually very deep and I tend to talk quite openly about everything to my friends. I also keep regular contact with my closest friends and talk to them often. So basically when I treat Bob the same way I treat my other friends, he gets the feeling that I'm trying to make this into something more, because his own friendships don't work like that. It is quite frustrating at times because I feel like I need to treat him differently than my other friends. But the last time we met and talked I realised something. He has actually took a few steps toward truly understanding my point of view and taking it into account. I just hadn't noticed it because I was looking at things from my own perspective and from there it didn't look like much. When I realised that for him these things are actually something he doesn't normally do and he's making an effort, I started to appreciate him more.
They are small things but I value them a lot now.
The other thing I realised is actually more about me. I like getting to know new people, flirting and the excitement of wondering whether they like me and whether this is going somewhere or not. I'm sure I'm not the only one but yeah, I like that unfamiliar territory where you don't know anything yet but there is potential for something. These kinds of situations happen all the time and 90 % of them don't go anywhere beyond flirting. But they're fun and I enjoy them. And this is also why I enjoy being in an open relationship. It's not so much about the actual sex with other people than the freedom. I absolutely love the feeling that anything could
turn into something (sex, a relationship or something else) if both of us wanted it. And what has this to do with Bob? I feel like with him I get kind of best of both worlds. He's not a stranger so I know I can trust him and I know that he likes me on some level. But at the same time, there's always the uncertainty, from his side at least. I never know what goes on in his head and when we meet I get the same excitement about not knowing what's going to happen. By this I don't mean that I expect it to suddenly turn into a relationship but the fact that I always wonder are we "just" friends or are the benefits still there. At times he questions whether he can keep this up so I'm always left wondering how he's going to feel about this the next time. It's not all positive though, it makes me nervous too. But it is what it is, I'm just trying to make the most of it while it lasts.
Me: bi female in my 30's
Partners: Hank, Dahlia and Fay
Metamours: Eddie (Dahlia's long-term partner), Hy (Dahlia's new partner), Gabriel (Fay's long-term partner), Isaac (Fay's new partner)
Living with Hank, Dahlia, Eddie and rory (my ex/friend)