Just wanted to give an update.
So I talked with everyone about what my therapist and I had talked about and so far things have been able to work out better. They are either letting me reach out for affection or asking me if it's okay if they see me struggling with trying to know whether or not I should. Where things go from here I still don't know but for the moment it's looking like I don't have to drop them down to friends or cut them out completely in order to heal.
@Caly: your observation as it pertains to Lamian (and probably Darkeyes as well) is correct. I am their pet. But that was not the relationship set up with Primal and things with Peaseblossum were always relatively confusing (Even though she apparently wasn't attracted to me she would on a regular basis make out and touch me).
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub