welll... that was a pretty awesome weekend.
As I described here
, I had discussed with Ren the possibillitites of having Curlz over for a sleep over while he (Ren) was also at home. C. has already spent a number of nights at my house, but on all these oocasions, Ren was spending the night elsewhere.
Ren said he was in favor of this, C. was happy to be invited, so this past Sunday, it was time
I went to C.'s house the day before, and on Sunday, we both travelled to my city. Went to my house to drop of the bags. I went to my room to change, and as I was rushing to get ready I heard Ren and C. quietly chatting downstairs and all of a sudden I thought "I don;t have to rush, they'll be ok, they won't kill each other, they are supposed to spend time together to get to know each other"!
C. and I had a lovely day in the city, then went home where Ren was, I cooked dinner and we sat down to dinner the 3 of us. While I was cooking they sat with me in the kitchen, we all chatted, I had moments when I just wanted to pinch myself I could not believe how easy and relaxed it all was...
After dinner Ren went to meet a friend and C. and I headed out to see a show. We ran in to a couple of my friends, and those meetings were, too, very relaxed.
Later that night we met up with Rens and another friend in a bar, and as I was sitting between Ren and C., they both took turns in giving me some attention... no overt PDA's just a light hand on my back, a little squeezing of my knee... I felt so warm, loved, and calm.
We all went home and went to sleep in 3 different rooms. I woke up in the middle of the night, the house was so quiet, and I just lay there thinking how beautiful it felt to have both guys in the house with me, sleeping, peaceful.
The next morning Ren shook C.'s hand after breakfast and said "see you next time".
I can see this happening again, it doesn't have to be often for me, but the fact that it's possible has just made all the difference.
and if that wasn't excitement enough... I came out to my parents the next day.
I'd been thinking about it a lot lately. I'm not very close to my parents, and we almost never talk about feelings, most of our conversations are of the 'what did you do - where did you go' kind. But that was exactly what made conversations difficult lately, because I found myself lying to them about where I'd been and with whom.
I kept thinking about what a big deal I'm making about my friend who's having the affir and how I feel that lies are toxic, and I thought, I have to see this through.
So I went over there and started by telling them "Ren and I are still very happy together and we're NOT getting a divorce".
Then I said "but we both also see other people".
Then I said "If this makes you uncomfortable we don;t have to discuss it any further. If you want to ask questions, you can, or we can leave it at this. But I don't want to lie to you anymore, so on occasion, I will say "I was with my BF this weekend"or "Ren is on a trip with his GF".
They were shocked, and did not really know what to say (besides 'we're oldfashioned so we don't understand this')
I kept emphasizing that I am happy, that Ren and I are happy, and that I understand that it's difficult for them, but that I just no longer wanted to lie.
I'm not completely sure how they took it. I called today but we did not talk about it. I'm going to let them adjust for a bit and see if they come up with questions.
But me? I'm so terribly terribly relieved.
It's like a weight has been lifted and like I'm a new person. It's like I look at my life and my relationships differently now... with such a sense of calm.
I think its the fact that I've been dreading this, and did it.. it's an example of practice what I preach.
I'm proud of myself, happy with my life and my loves.
Life is good.