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Old 11-15-2012, 05:57 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by TheBalance View Post
So my partner and I have been nonmonogamous for about 4 or 5 months, we have been together for a year and a half. She initially brought up the topic this summer because she had been feeling guilty about having attractions to other people. I agreed to open up our relationship because I wanted her to be able to be honest with herself and not have to hide. We have struggled a lot (mostly me) throughout these past months getting over jealousy hurdles and insecurities. I definitely have not conquered the two of these powerful feelings, but I have gotten a lot better. Recently, though, I have been having doubts. From the beginning, I did not want to be nonmonogamous, I only did it for her. I thought that I would feel differently after some time passed, but it hasnt at all. In fact, it is really starting to affect me. I feel like I'm lying to myself and my partner. I feel so stressed every day and I usually break down and cry on a daily basis because it is too much for me to handle.

So here is my predicament: I want to be with my partner. She means the world to me and I never want to lose her. She is nonmonogamous and I am monogamous. I don't want to ask her to be monogamous, because that wouldn't be true to who she is, but at the same time, I don't want to be nonmonogamous because I don't feel that it is true to who I am. I am at a complete loss as to how this could be resolved so that everyone can be happy.
Please lend me some advice
I'm a bit confused. You said you opened up, but you haven't said if you are seeing other people also.

There are tons of stories on these very boards of men who are monogamous to women who are non-monogamous. It is entirely possible to do that; however, it does sound as if you are unhappy with her non-monogamy.

Other than that clarification, I heartily second what GalaGirl says.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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