It is not easy to feel. Hang in there.
Recognizing why relatives might feel as they do could help you plan alternative approaches / routes. Esp when you have a mismatch of you wanting to be "out" and DH not wanting to be "out" to his fam. He has another level of willingness than you that has to be accommodated.
Try to let go of expectations of the other relatives and just let them own their own feelings and their behavior if you guys choose to be "out." If they behave badly toward you, don't go around them to visit them, don't invite over for bdays, etc. You don't have to be mean to them but you don't have to put out extra welcome or explain anything either. Why should your bday be tinged with their "bad guest" attitude? If/when they behave better, then you can see how to adjust anew.
I'm glad to hear that you are trying to work it out with DH and your other partner to find some kind of happy medium solution for yourselves. Please yourselves first. Not the relatives.
Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-15-2012 at 01:06 AM.