Your relationship with him is not up to her to determine. I'd be upset, too. It's so cruel ad unfair for them to expect you to put your life on hold while they figure it out. But you need to be proactive and make a choice, not sit around and wait for them. If I were you, I'd let go and try to move on without being attached to what they decide eventually. Start disengaging, and let him know that you cannot invest in a relationship where your heart depends on so much uncertainty, and that if and when he is wholly ready to commit to something with you and she is wholeheartedly on board, you will consider being with him again, but he should not expect you to wait. And don't ever again get involved with anyone whose partner is in control of what you can or cannot do or has veto power.
Independent solo polyamorist seeking lover-friends willing to invest in friendship, companionship, and love, but without a need for partnership.
Never confuse commitment with exclusivity, love with ownership, nor sex with intimacy!
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
Last edited by nycindie; 11-14-2012 at 07:45 PM.