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Old 12-24-2009, 03:37 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Are you saying that most monogamous people...have perverted the need for physical intimacy because they only need it from one individual?

Nope. They have the need for a bond with only one person, and that's perfectly fine. It's only perverted if they think they need one, specific person *to the exclusion of any possible other*--that there's only one possible person who can meet their need. Whether somebody feels a need for one partner or many, when the need gets twisted to where only a specific person or persons can meet the need is where the problem arises.

So, your need to have a single pairing is good and healthy. Redpepper meets your need. There are also other possible partners who could meet your need, though, and the realization that such is the case is a sign of a healthy relationship. Should the relationship turn sour, you could walk away knowing you can meet somebody else to meet your need.

Were you to say that only Redpepper could ever meet your need is where the warning flags would begin waving. That would be twisting your general need for a romantic pair bond into a dysfunctional obsession with Redpepper. That sort of thinking is what keeps people in bad relationships and what drives stalking and other psychopathologies.

Did that clear up the concept? General need is good; specific obsession is not.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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