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Old 11-14-2012, 08:30 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
hullo Helo,

I'm not drawing up a psych profile, I'm just saying to myself, well, he clearly hasn't bothered to get to know me (which he's indicated by not noting anything he read in my profile), and there's absolutely nothing there to inspire me to write back.

OKC, in particular, asks a lot of a profile. That I took the trouble to answer all that stuff, with thought and feeling, is gonna require more from a guy than an uncreative looks-like-a-copy-pasta message to get a reply from me. I don't feel any obligation to 'bang out a 10 second response.' That's not why I put up an ad. If he can't be bothered to try to present himself in the first message, why would I imagine he'll get 'better' later?
I totally see the wisdom in that and on some level I do agree with it...but then I start thinking about a young lady when I first joined OKC.

She was very nice but her first message was just terrible. It was two incredibly awkward sentences that must have been created by hacking up a dictionary, chewing it up with a swish of wood-grain alcohol, and spewing the whole mess out onto a page. Her profile also wasn't really that eye-catching and I just was completely uninterested but I was at that "first few weeks" stage that you're at when you want to respond to EVERYBODY.

I sent her a very quick message, essentially that I'm sure she was a great person but she just wasn't what I was interested in. She responded a few days later with a really heart-felt message which basically said that she had been sending out messages for weeks and gotten no response and that she was very happy to get a nice response, even if it wasn't of interest. She was just very appreciative and it made her feel a little more human to get a polite response.

Since then, I've endeavored to respond to every message I receive even if its lackluster. It takes me maybe a minute, costs me nothing, and it really does give the other person a good feeling. It also helps people not get burned out on the site or discouraged and like I said, it costs you nothing.

So I dislike just stamping REJECTED on lackluster messages unless they're really over the line. #2 is very close to that line.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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