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Old 11-14-2012, 04:23 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

Hi JynLove,

Originally Posted by JynLove View Post
- my gut instinct is telling me she is going to break his heart. So far i have kept quiet, but I feel like I am doing an injustice by not bringing to his attention all the things that clue me in. I keep coming back to "what if I'm wrong?". If I point out these bad things, what if in the end she is a nice girl and just having trouble??
So what if you're wrong? Are you not allowed to be wrong, or make a mistake? That's a much bigger problem (as I see the world) than what your partner's partner might be doing.

Originally Posted by JynLove View Post
- I know where my place is with him now, so I feel better. I am trying to break down my walls, but I feel like in the meantime he has erected some of his own. He fears I am going to say "F the whole complicated mess" and leave him. I am not. I care about him too much to just give up. I just needed reassurance, and I got it. It seems the opportunities for me to return that are harder to come by however.
I recommend finding ways to say exactly this to him, whether he asks you to or not: "I know where my place is with him now, so I feel better."

Have you checked out The Five Love Languages? It's a great book, and I believe there's a website somewhere, you can take a quiz. Not everyone feels loved in the same ways. Knowing how you feel loved, and how he feels loved are helpful things to know.

Originally Posted by JynLove View Post
- I have decided to be non-sexual with him at this time. It's because I do not trust the other girl (I have a BIG fear of STD's especially being immune compromised). This also makes me appear to be pulling away.

The last one, I am so stuck on. I want him to know I am in this seriously! But I do NOT want to say bad things about the other girl and have any influence on his relationship with her. I can't tell him she's the reason I am doing certain things. Can I??
Why not? and, she's not the reason. You have a choice. You are choosing to things because of your assessments (judgements) about the situation. If you don't talk to him about it, how do you know that your assessments are correct? I'd say it would even be better to talk to her, but from what you've written, she does sound a bit of a cowgirl.

You don't have to 'say bad things' to talk to him about how you feel. You can say, 'I heard that so-and-so was doing x, and I feel abcdef about that.' You're entitled to feel whatever you feel, and express how you feel.

I wish you luck with this.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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