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Old 11-13-2012, 01:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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DH = dear husband. There is also dear wife, dear son, dear daughter, etc.

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I'm really not sure. I guess I almost feel like I'm neglecting my husband, and the other woman.
So you crave a time that is not a swap night for sex, but a date night? Can you use a swap night as a date night? Ask for a separate date night? Do you feel this kind of guilt when you go out with friends alone without DH?


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Our schedules are also really off at the moment, so we don't get that much time together. And out of the 5 nights that we could have to choose from to spend together, 2 of them are swap nights. (although, recently I have canceled a swap night in favor of spending time with hubby)
Why do swap nights have assigned nights and you and hubby time do not? You don't "get" time. You MAKE time. Could it be 2 nights set aside for hubby, 2 for swaps, and then the rest "flexible?"


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I completely 100% agree with this. I think it just bothers me because I am close friends with the other woman as well, and she has expressed that she would like her feelings reciprocated, and I know that I can't do anything about it, so I feel bad. I feel bad that her fiance has feelings for me, and that we have developed a bond. Not because it's not ok, or that it takes away from either relationship, but because I know that she wants the same thing from my husband, and he's just not really interested in having feelings for anyone other than me.
Then this is not within your control. The only thing to do is to let it go. Perhaps tell her you are sorry she's disappointed? It is one thing to commiserate, but another to take on board other people's baggage.

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My husband only gets upset when he feels/thinks that he's not getting as much time with me as he would like. Most of the time, I'm not even with the other man. As explained above, our schedules are just kind of wonky right now, and so they don't line up as often as either of us would like them to.
Then this is hopefully short term and if only 2 nights are matching for dates -- you could choose to make it 1 night for marriage, 1 night for swap. We bump into limits all the time... people adjust expectations.

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Also, as explained above, the other spouse. She would really like for my husband to reciprocate feelings for her. She would love for him to want to spend time with her, as much as her fiance likes to spend time with me. She has expressed that she feels like no one really wants her around, which all of us have explained is not the case at all.
She's bumping into a limit there -- DH does not have feelings for her. If this is the case, and being sexual with him just feeds the yucky, she could choose to stop having sex with DH.

DH is bumping into a limit -- his current swap partner cannot have emotionless, purely recreational sex.

If her fiancee is all a twitter with NRE for you AND you guys struggle with the date time for the marriage, you could suggest trying a change in schedule.

1 night for the marriage (they can have it for themselves too) and then 1 night with you and the OSO in a non-sexual date (and she could choose to go do something elsewhere and so could your DH).

That way you can have alone time out of bed and try that on with the OSO, DH is getting a date night with you, and she's getting to move to a cleaner emotional space so she can get over DH not having the same emotional level as her without sex expectations of a swap.

Galagirl
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