I think that if you each individually go on dates in all the combinations possible (if all of you want that), and get to know each other just like you would date anyone, BEFORE having sex with them, it will not feel like swinging. Take your time, woo each person separately as well as do things socially as a group, before getting sexual. And then make sure everyone is on the same page about how sex will happen. If they only want sex to happen with everyone all in the same room, would you be comfortable with that? Group sex isn't required for quads, you know! Swinging is very couple-centric, so if you don't want it to feel swingerish, then make sure you're not approaching it like you're joined at the hip with your established partner in order to do anything with either one or both of them.
And be sure to talk about what you want! In the discussions you've already had about dating, have Viking and Lady M expressed the same ideas that you have - that they don't want it to feel swingerish? Or do they only want to do things with you and Bear as a couple? You may need to get clear on that. if they are open to exploring things with you and Bear separately as individuals and letting each dyad develop at its own pace, I'd say you're in good shape to start with.
Last edited by nycindie; 11-12-2012 at 05:34 PM.