Originally Posted by nycindie
It's not the loving that hurts; it's the unmet expectations.
We've been taught that love has to be reciprocated in very specific ways. If you can look at what you expect or hope for in return for your love and see if you can let go of some expectations, I think you will feel better. We also usually think that when we love someone, everything has to change. But really, it's just a feeling you have - it's not a contract - and it's what human beings have at the core of who they are, so loving can be simple and beautiful and freeing. Love doesn't have to get all tangled up in the idea of getting something back for it. It's our attitudes and ideas about what it means to love someone that causes us pain, not love itself! So, in addition to letting go of expectation, try to think of how you can give your love to them, direct it outward, and focus on all the good things you want for them, like freedom to be who they are. Being loving toward yourself and doing this kind of inner work will really help you feel more at ease with your love for others. This is not to say that you have to tolerate bad treatment or consistently feeling like you're not getting needs met, but it's just that love is love and expectations are something else.
I haven't read all of your blog, but thought I would share those thoughts in case it helps you feel a little more centered. I hope you reach a better place about everything.
This is what I'm trying to work on but I don't know how to go about it. Because being around them especially when they are even a little bit affectionate allows my head to start craving that relationship so much but I don't know how I would be able handle cutting myself off fully in order to get over that longing.
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub