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Old 11-12-2012, 05:12 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

You can't control it. You can set aside time specifically for all of the different relationships within the quad to happen, but if you set out with that as a goal, and then it doesn't happen in that way, you will feel like you've failed. Don't let yourself be so afraid of the possibility that this will be a setup where it mostly looks like swapping -- YOU guys know that you're not swingers, because you're not just in it for sex, so don't worry about how it looks. Worry about letting the relationships form naturally. Not only will they form at different paces, they might not form at all -- some people might just stay friends. That has to be ok, or else, like I said above, you will feel like you've failed, and that's a sort of pressure that will make everything seem gross and forced over time.

Sorry, I know you were probably seeking a different sort of advice, but that's the best I have! Take time to hang out socially, in various combinations of couples, or as a quad, or even as a group of three now and then if one member is busy. That'll be the best way to ensure that each potential relationship has a place where it can form. But don't focus on it too much.

Good luck!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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