View Single Post
  #9  
Old 11-12-2012, 04:42 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,237
Default

It's not the loving that hurts; it's the unmet expectations.

We've been taught that love has to be reciprocated in very specific ways. If you can look at what you expect or hope for in return for your love and see if you can let go of some expectations, I think you will feel better. We also usually think that when we love someone, everything has to change. But really, it's just a feeling you have - it's not a contract - and it's what human beings have at the core of who they are, so loving can be simple and beautiful and freeing. Love doesn't have to get all tangled up in the idea of getting something back for it. It's our attitudes and ideas about what it means to love someone that causes us pain, not love itself! So, in addition to letting go of expectation, try to think of how you can give your love to them, direct it outward, and focus on all the good things you want for them, like freedom to be who they are. Being loving toward yourself and doing this kind of inner work will really help you feel more at ease with your love for others. This is not to say that you have to tolerate bad treatment or consistently feeling like you're not getting needs met, but it's just that love is love and expectations are something else.

I haven't read all of your blog, but thought I would share those thoughts in case it helps you feel a little more centered. I hope you reach a better place about everything.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 11-12-2012 at 05:20 PM.
Reply With Quote